For the past week, I've been struggling with mixed emotions. Originally, I took the full 14 week maternity leave that I was entitled to when I lost Jubilee and would see how I felt about returning to work when I was ready (hence why my blog is called 14 Weeks of Grace). I felt so blessed that God had given me some time to sort me out; for me to do the thing that I needed to and get myself ready for the months ahead navigating life as a baby-less mum. Today, I’m going back to work- God has really worked a blessing for me there. I've got a new school and a different year level: a fresh start and its only part time which still gives me time to ease into things.
Until we lost Jubilee, I had this year all planned out- I
was finally going to be a stay at home- my dream, for life forever. I was going
to be a home with my own baby and the career woman identity, I feel my life so
far has somehow squished me into living, was going to be a distant memory. God
has other plans. Going back to work, for me, is also another realisation that
these plans have been put on hold again and that again, I have to put on a
brave face. I'm praying that God will give me the strength to embrace the
wonderful opportunity that I have been given and that I’ll somehow get better
at learning how to make the most of the measure the God has given me.
For a month or so now, the chorus of this song (which is an old gospel my grandma used to sing when I was younger) have
been giving me some extra strength and guidance on this.
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