Pray Without Ceasing

Recently just found another blog which is becoming a favourite:

 Pray Without Ceasing

God always knows when I need to stumble across some fresh inspritation- this time, I wasn't even looking for a blog but this it came up via Google whilst I was searching for images to use on the Interactive Whiteboard with my class.

Like us, this lady lost a baby (twin girls actually) at a similar stage to Jubilee. At first they thought it was from an incompetent cervix but then they found out through testing that the premature birth was brought on by infection. Then they tried for another baby and unfortunately, miscarried at 9 weeks. And now they have a lovely little boy. What makes this story twice as special is that the whole time, they have also been dealing with infertility: praise God that we have been blessed abundantely in this area and have had no trouble falling pregnant thus far (we just have troubling keeping pregnant!)

This lovely lady has been where I am walking and she has been providing some much needed encouragement for me as I begin to re-deal with the feelings of loss on so many levels.

I think and wish many things. And I have accepted that this is my life but it's still a tough path to walk.

YOUR NEEDS AND MY RICHES are a perfect fit. I never meant for you to be self-sufficient. Instead, I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread but also for fulfillment of deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness, to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power.

Come to Me in all you neediness, with defenses down and with desire to be blessed. As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me. (Jesus Calling)

Now I need to do my part and keep drawing closer to God and bringing my desires to him.  

Keep Running...

I was just reading this in the 'Word for Today'-



 "Let us run the race...set out for us"

- Hebrews 12:1

Look what Jesus endured:

(1) Temptation. We imagine the wilderness temptation as three isolated events scattered over a forty-day period. No: 'The devil tempted Jesus for forty days...' (Luke 4:2 NCV) Every step, whispering in His ear; every turn of the path, sowing doubt; forty days of non-stop temptation! When it was over Satan would flee, angels would come and strengthen Him, and He would leave the wilderness to go out and minister as no one ever has. But first He had to get through the temptation. So do you. And the good news is, strengthened by God's grace, you can. 

(2) Accusation. '...Some said, "He is a good man." Others replied, "No, He deceives the people."' (John 7:12 NIV) 'The people retorted, "You...devil! Didn't we say all along that you were possessed by a demon?"' (John 8:48 NLT) They accused Him unfairly, but Jesus kept running. You must too.  

(3) Rejection. His family thought He was mad. The neighbours treated Him badly. When He returned to His home town they tried to throw Him off a cliff (Luke 4:29). But Jesus kept running. So must you.  

(4) Shame. At the cross He became 'sin' personified (2 Corinthians 5:21). Though He never stole, lied or lusted, He bore the shame of every thief, liar and adulterer. 

How did Jesus do it? What kept Him going? The Bible answers: '...Who for the joy set before Him endured...' (Hebrews 12:2 NIV) Jesus had already lived in Heaven, and knowing what awaited Him enabled Him to endure and finish the race. And the same joy awaits you too.

Gotta keep reminding myself of what Jesus endured for me, instead of what I seem to be enduring now. I have to keep running knowing that He has set joy before me;  that now is the time to run, and the time to experience that joy will come. Gotta keep reminding myself that when He is my running coach, I'm sure to succeed within His will and within time frame that He sets as the qualifier. God, give me the grace to endure the race.

He is our Hope...

And we know that in all things

God works for the good of those who love Him,

who have been called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

In memory of our little angel baby...

21/04/12

Jubilee’s Daddy Book

After my husband bought me those beautiful pendants for my cross necklace in memory of Jubilee, I wanted to make something special for him to have as her Daddy. I ended up making him a photo book  through Kikki.K which is a Swedish Design company. He really loved it and he keeps it on his bedside table as a special reminder.

Little Girl, Big Dreams: Big Girl, Same Dreams...

For the past week, I've been struggling with mixed emotions. Originally, I took the full 14 week maternity leave that I was entitled to when I lost Jubilee and would see how I felt about returning to work when I was ready (hence why my blog is called 14 Weeks of Grace).  I felt so blessed that God had given me some time to sort me out; for me to do the thing that I needed to and get myself ready for the months ahead navigating life as a baby-less mum. Today, I’m going back to work- God has really worked a blessing for me there. I've got a new school and a different year level: a fresh start and its only part time which still gives me time to ease into things.

Until we lost Jubilee, I had this year all planned out- I was finally going to be a stay at home- my dream, for life forever. I was going to be a home with my own baby and the career woman identity, I feel my life so far has somehow squished me into living, was going to be a distant memory. God has other plans. Going back to work, for me, is also another realisation that these plans have been put on hold again and that again, I have to put on a brave face. I'm praying that God will give me the strength to embrace the wonderful opportunity that I have been given and that I’ll somehow get better at learning how to make the most of the measure the God has given me.

For a month or so now, the chorus of this song (which is an old gospel my grandma used to sing when I was younger) have been giving me some extra strength and guidance on this.

Memory Box

In hospital, my husband and I were given a special box with items in it to help us grieve and remember our little girl. Jubilees box is in the nursery cupboard and is full of cards that I received in sympathy, her pregnancy tests, things that she received from family for Christmas only weeks before her birth, the bunting from her memorial celebration cake, a copy of her memorial booklet and the list goes on. It was such a blessing to be given it. Since then, we have decided to pay for box in honour of Jubilee so that other families may receive the same blessing in their time of need.

http://www.littleamb.org.au/

Our Nursery...

For the past week, my husband and I have been finishing off painting our house. We have only the tiniest bit to go and its very exciting cos gradually as I have put my stamp more and more on the house, the more I've grown to like it. Its certainly not the style of house that I ever imagined myself in before I was married and I never imagined living so close to the beach. It feels like "our House" now and not just the house the my husband lived in and I moved into.

Today, I'm going to share with you my absolute favourite room of the house!   Its our nursery. When Jubilee died, I knew that while I was off work, I wanted to set it up, just like I was going to when I commenced my maternity leave. I'd been planning it my head since we moved in here and so it gives me so much joy and hope to see it all finally come together as I had imagined.

I've been waiting to share this for a while, but wanted to have it almost finished before I did. Only a couple of really small things left to do- I want to make some bunting to hang across the window and I've got to properly make the change table cover but I didn't get time to do that this week cos we were too busy with all the other painting. Also, I'm in the process of buying a custom made night light from Etsy.

I've loved decorating with old world things. My favourites include toy wooden blocks and soft toys from when I was a child, my shabby cupboard (in the wardbrobe-it was the present table at our wedding and its got baby clothes in it), the shelf with wrought iron book ends and vintage books on it and the Replogle Globe. 

This is my Leander Cradle- another blessing (but thats a whole other story). At the moment, I have the two teddies that Jubilee recieved sitting in it and the blanket that was wrapped around her in the hospital. Its going to go in our room, when our next baby is a newborn but I just wanted to set it up and have it in the nursery for the time being anyway cos I love it!

This is my toddler bed from IKEA. I've had my eye on it for a very long time- at the moment it is on its smallest setting (which is shorter but a bit wider than a cot) but it is extendable to a full size single bed. I love the old fashioned suitcase tucked underneath the foot of the bed.

This is my change table, which is actually my grandmothers desk. I have fond memories of her using it at the farm house when I was a child. Just over a week ago- it was completely cream. It was originally going to be completely white and shabbied like the other cupboard but it came up so well and so I changed plans a bit- I got to it with some paint stripper, sand paper, stain, varnish and paint and ta da!! I used the same brown from the wardrobe cupboard to tie it all in. My aunt gave me the idea to decoupage the draw fronts and I expanded on that by using the paper doilies (that were pinned to navy napkins instead of place cards) from our wedding. I love the shabby top too.

So there you have it: our nursery. Empty. But will be used (soon!!! pls!)

Starting Again...

Some might think it’s way too early to be thinking about our next baby, but we’ve been talking about since we were in the hospital giving birth to Juby and we had to accept that we would not be taking her home with us.  We are both keen to start trying again: our arms and hearts ache just to have a living baby of our own to hold. And sometimes, I just want to skip forward to the part where I have the live baby in my arms so I don’t have to endure the pain and the waiting and the trails of starting all over again. But I know that there will be a lesson in the journey for me, whatever is in store.

 I’m trying to be as positive as I can about the possibilities. Since losing Jubilee, I’ve tried not to shield myself from things for fear of hurt; for example the first time I went to town on my own after Juby was born, I went into the baby section at Target and I looked at baby clothes. I still look up baby things on the internet and research about pregnancy. I visited Jubilee and Isaac’s grave on my own (that’s huge for me).  When I see people I know well in town, I smile excitedly and ask them “Would you like to see a photo of my baby?” and I show them our family photo and talk about Jubilee as if she was being babysat by someone at the current moment and I just slipped into town on my own. I put some baby clothes on layby the other day. I talk openly with people about “our next baby.”  Jubilee had folder in our filing draw that all her paper work in it from the moment it was confirmed that she was conceived – it had “Number One Baby” written on the front- so the other day after the hospital check-up, I made a new folder with “Number Two Baby” on it and placed the telephone number, that we have to ring at the hospital as soon as we know I am pregnant again, inside.

I think all these things are good for me and are helping me to get on with things. Don’t get me wrong- I’m still grieving in my own way; I still cry, I still feel immense hurt.  But, I have to try my best to push forward in faith, knowing full well you can never be ‘over’ such a thing- you can just learn how to manage it more easily each day.

And so today, on the subject of baby no.2, I’m just asking for everyone’s prayers that God’s will be done in our lives and that we have the strength to deal with whatever that may be.  I’m trusting that God knows the desires of our hearts and that he will bless us with the children we are yearning for.