On Friday, I had the “pleasure” of returning to the hospital for my neo-natal check-up. I’ll admit that, on the way to the hospital I was nervous about the whole thing. It was bad enough walking back into the hospital for the first time since we handed our baby over to a midwife and walked out empty handed, let alone being accidently taken back to the maternity ward by a volunteer and standing opposite the exact room I was in with Jubilee. Then we waited over an hour to see someone, by which time, my husband had to leave to go to another appointment and I was left alone. When I finally did get to see someone, the doctor led me into the exact room where I had my first antenatal check-up, where got to see our baby for the first time, and so you could imagine that by this time I was little worked up inside. Then the doctor told me that everything was fine and that from the tests taken, they could find no reason to explain why my cervix weakened. All I can say is- it was God appointed and ordained- meant to happen for a reason that I will come to know more clearly in His timing.
The only thing that made it worthwhile was finding out what
we have to do next time and even that saddened me. I know I’m going to have to
do, what I have to do to a certain extent in order to have a live baby next
time. However, that doesn’t stop me from completely dreading the thought of forever
having to be lorded over by gynaecologist and the like. Apparently, I’ll be
classed as “high risk” but I’m going to pray against that label!! Although I am
proud to say that I had a natural birth with Jubilee (nothing but a heat pack
for pain relief), it is certainly not the type of birth that I want when giving
birth to a live baby next time.
So once again, I’m watching home birthing videos and reading
positive birthing stories in prayerful hope that one day, with Gods help, I
will get to have the birth that my heart desires so much. This is a video that
I found during my first pregnancy and I love it- it gives me so much hope and
peace that this can be what birthing is. God give me the strength to stand up
for my beliefs in the face of adversity.
It’s not all bad, however. On Sunday at church, my husband received
a wonderful prophesy from a visiting pastor! I’m just so excited for him and what
that means for our lives together. Praise the Lord for His vision for our lives!
It was so great to have something positive spoken over us that we can cling to
in our times of sadness and despair.
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