Scriptural Encouragement

Today, I’ve been thinking back about some of the scriptures that were shared with me in various forms throughout the past 7 weeks (it’s hard to think that I would almost be 28 weeks pregnant now- I miss being pregnant a lot). These are just a few of these scriptures.It was so encouraging to re-read them back over time and time again and  I know over the coming months and years, I will be able to stand on God’s Word for strength. I pray they might offer you some comfort in your current life circumstances too.

Isaiah 61

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called mighty oaks, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Psalm 63

A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.

¹ You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
² I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
³ Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
⁶ On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.
⁷ Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.

James 1

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

¹² Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

If You Could See Me Now...

My husband and I have sometimes talked about how we think Jubilee will be in heaven (like is she a little girl, or a grown up or still a baby and if we think she will stay a certain age or will she grow up through the years just as if she was here with us). Of course, we will never know that until we meet again in heaven,but it is nice to think about sometimes. My husband likes to think that she is a little toddler running around and having fun and, I guess that I find comfort in that too. Although, it changes for me, sometimes I think of her as a toddler but most of the time, she's still my perfect little 20 week old baby (or as my little cousins call her "my little tiny bubba").

I was reading the “When Hello Means Goodbye” blog again, today. This time, I went right back to the start of her journey and read about eighteen months worth of posts. It was so encouraging and I could really identify with the raw emotion that she expressed and even found some posts from her husband which I'm sure mine will appreciate reading. One of the posts led me to Youtube and I always get side-tracked on Youtube which is a good thing cos its often when I find the things that are most meaningful to me. Like this beautiful song. I love it how the lady filming it says ‘Amen’ at the end. It is really like a prayer of reassurance for us from our little one in heaven.  I love these lyrics the most:

I never was rocked to sleep in my mother's arms
But the arms that hold me are the same arms that made me

And:

So don't waste another moment worrying about what might've been
Jesus loves me and you know I'm with Him

All I know is that if we could see her now, I know our hearts would be filled with as much joy and love as the day we held her in our arms. I love you, Jubilee xoxo

Visions and Dreams from Heaven...

On Friday, I had the “pleasure” of returning to the hospital for my neo-natal check-up.  I’ll admit that, on the way to the hospital I was nervous about the whole thing. It was bad enough walking back into the hospital for the first time since we handed our baby over to a midwife and walked out empty handed, let alone being accidently taken back to the maternity ward by a volunteer and standing opposite the exact room I was in with Jubilee. Then we waited over an hour to see someone, by which time, my husband had to leave to go to another appointment and I was left alone. When I finally did get to see someone, the doctor led me into the exact  room where I had my first antenatal check-up, where got to see our baby for the first time, and so you could imagine that by this time I was little worked up inside.  Then the doctor told me that everything was fine and that from the tests taken, they could find no reason to explain why my cervix weakened. All I can say is- it was God appointed and ordained- meant to happen for a reason that I will come to know more clearly in His timing.

The only thing that made it worthwhile was finding out what we have to do next time and even that saddened me. I know I’m going to have to do, what I have to do to a certain extent in order to have a live baby next time. However, that doesn’t stop me from completely dreading the thought of forever having to be lorded over by gynaecologist and the like. Apparently, I’ll be classed as “high risk” but I’m going to pray against that label!! Although I am proud to say that I had a natural birth with Jubilee (nothing but a heat pack for pain relief), it is certainly not the type of birth that I want when giving birth to a live baby next time.  

So once again, I’m watching home birthing videos and reading positive birthing stories in prayerful hope that one day, with Gods help, I will get to have the birth that my heart desires so much. This is a video that I found during my first pregnancy and I love it- it gives me so much hope and peace that this can be what birthing is. God give me the strength to stand up for my beliefs in the face of adversity.

It’s not all bad, however. On Sunday at church, my husband received a wonderful prophesy from a visiting pastor! I’m just so excited for him and what that means for our lives together.  Praise the Lord for His vision for our lives! It was so great to have something positive spoken over us that we can cling to in our times of sadness and despair.

 

Girlfriend Time

A couple of posts ago, I wrote about spending time with the people that matter in our lives: our families. I’ve been blessed yet again to have some time with my Mum and sisters recently. Our sister, who now lives in Townsville, flew down and we all went to Brisbane to see Taylor Swift. We are all country girls at heart. We all pride ourselves on the fact that we were in love with Taylor before she brought out “Love Story” and then suddenly everyone knew about her. Haha!  We had a lovely time, and she was just so beautiful and natural, despite all the big showy stuff going on around her- it was great. Above is a photo of my sisters and I from that evening. Unfortunately Mum isn't in this photo- thats cos she was taking it!  You can probably tell by the half starey looks on our faces that by the time we got this one taken it was possibly her tenth attempt at taking trying to take a good photo of us on the iPod! Love you, Mum (don't worry, I didn't do much better!)

So, here’s to my girlfriends!! You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family- and that’s a good thing, cos I think I’d be hard pressed to find a better mother and bunch of sisters to share life with. Add to that all the other special ladies and grandma's, aunts and cousins! Thanks for supporting me and loving me through all the happy and the sad times! Love you all lots :-)

Remembering Jubilee

A day or so after the Jubilee went to Heaven, my husband and I purchased a Willow Tree figurine for us to have in our house to remind us of her. We wanted to pick something that reflected rejoicing and happiness; instead of mourning and sadness. We picked this one called, ‘The Angel of Happiness.’ 

I recently read about woman who was a kindy teacher, and in a similar situation to me. Like me, she had a peace about what happened but still was devastated with picking up the piece of her life afterwards: in her case, she was sad about not being able to teach her own son his ABC’s, when she had to teach everybody else’s. She found comfort in prayer, where she heard God tell her that her son was “learning Creation from the Creator.”  All Willow Trees come with a little card that describes them and ours read: “free to dance, sing, laugh and create.” Just like the woman found comfort in knowing the Creator was taking care of her son,  our baby girl is in heaven running free, dancing, singing and laughing, like only a little girl can, under the watchful, loving eye of the Father.  I can’t wait until we have another baby that’s old enough for me to share with them about their big sister and how beautiful and precious she was. As part of that, I’ll explain that this little figurine is to remind us of her and to help us to be cheerful in times of great trial.

We also planted an olive tree in our backyard. I asked to keep Jubilee’s placenta and then we planted it under the tree, as a special memorial. Jubilee’s is an olive tree and this is because there is special biblical and symbolic significance. We plan on having one of these for each of our children. 

My husband brought me a cross necklace for my 21^st birthday and on Valentine’s Day, we went shopping with the intention of adding a special pendant to it for Jubilee. It turned out when went to the right store, because we could get buy one and get one of the same value for free. We had trouble decided over what type we wanted and in the end- we could get both!! So I have a butterfly which I chose and an angel praying which my husband chose, on either side of the cross.

Sharing through Loss...

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve had some beautiful websites shared with me about loss. Here are three of my favourites.  I pray that they might bring you comfort if you are grieving.

Christian's Beach

The first is by a lady who lost a baby and who has combined her expertise in photography with her passion to help others in times of loss. Absolutely beautiful. One of my aunts referred me to this site, and together, we are going to get one of these taken for Jubilee on her first would-be birthday. You can find her personal journey through her loss by clicking here.

Sarah's Laughter

The second is an organisation who supports people through miscarriage and infertility. I was blessed to receive a gift pack from these people through a friend of my aunts who had been touched by our story. Definitely a beautiful place to start if you are grieving or are not sure what to do or say when you know someone that is.

When Hello Means Goodbye

The third is blog I found from a lady in America, who lost her first baby, and now, God has led her and her husband to adopt. They have two beautiful adopted children and she blogs regularly about her life. To me, her blog is an encouragement:  there is hope after loss and God has bigger plan, so hang in there. You can read the start of her journey by clicking here.

She posted this on the 12th, just days after the 4th year anniversary of her loosing her little boy, Brenham.

I don’t know how or why God chooses to allow people to go through certain trails and spare them from others. 

I don’t know why he chose health struggles for me and the loss of a child, I don’t know why He chose for you to lose your spouse, or watch your child suffer through cancer, or experience your 8th miscarriage or lose your 3rd job in a year or why you haven’t met that special someone yet or why your marriage is shaky or why you can’t get pregnant or whatever it is that you may be struggling with today BUT,  

I do know that we serve a God who LOVES you and he will always walk beside you through life’s hardest times.

“…I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” Isaiah 41:10

An Attitude of Gratitude

Today, I just wanted to share something that my aunty forwarded onto me via email. Such an encouragement to me at the time and now as I reflect on it again, but also for everyone at any stage on any day, at any time: there is power in positivity. It’s easier said, then done but as Christians, we can be confident, that God’s right there with us all the way. Perhaps today, we can all benefit from thinking of the things we are thankful for and make a habit of it. I’m going to start with thankyou God for His love and grace and then for my little girl, my husband, my family and friends J

An Attitude of Gratitude- Joyce Meyer

Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say,

Rejoice! Let all men know and perceive and

recognize your unselfishness (your considerateness, your forbearing spirit) . . .

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything,

but in every circumstance and in everything,

by prayer and petition (definite requests),

with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

—Philippians 4:4-6

We all need to develop an “attitude of gratitude.”

 This doesn’t mean we should live pretending nothing negative exists.

It simply means we make it our goal in life to be as positive as possible.

 A positive approach opens the door for God to work.

Go to bed tonight pondering everything you have to be thankful for.

Do the same first thing tomorrow morning.

Thank God for everything—a convenient parking place; the fact you can walk, see, or hear; your children.

Don’t become discouraged with yourself when you fall short, and don’t quit.

Keep at it until you have developed new habits.

A Prayer from Granny

Since I haven’t been working in the past few weeks, I’ve had time to spend with my Granny. One day, I took her to town and another day I cleaned some cupboards down low that she can’t get into properly. Both days, we’ve had a coffee and lunch afterwards. Whilst I was at Uni, and now working full time for over a year, I’ve been craving time to really be able to do this sort of thing- taking time out for the people who really matter in my life: my family. Thank you Jesus (and thank you Juby) for giving me a situation in life where I can have some relief from feeling so trapped in a schedule and finally do the things that are important to me. It’s not worth having to bear the guilt of regrets of things you didn’t do and time you didn’t spend.

I remember when I finished high school, I had a month before I left to go on an Overseas Mission’s trip to Mexico. I was so busy (or at least, I made myself that way). My Grandadji (Granny’s husband) had been sick for quite a while. We had developed a close relationship and part of that was we both shared a love for opera. Grandadji had just bought Paul Pott’s on CD and really wanted me to come over some time and have a listen. Considering he lived next door, this should not have been difficult. However, I said I would and then I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to- looking back, I just didn’t have my priorities right.  After about ten days at Missions Boot Camp, we had a Commissioning Service before we left for overseas and all the families were invited. Before my family left that night, Dad told me Grandfather had passed away: we both cried together. When I got home, about 5 weeks later, Granny gave me the CD to keep. I put on a song that Grandadji had talked about and as soon as I heard the singing, I sobbed. I regretted not making the time.

And now with my own baby in heaven,  if there is anything I’ve learnt,  things can dramatically change in an instant and all of a sudden, the people who you are counting on to be around, may not be any longer. I know my Granny will pass on one day, and I’ve be sad, I know my life will be richer for having the time with her: the same with my Jubilee.  My life, at times, is harder now than ever- I’m constantly faced with disappointment, devastation and helplessness. But I know God is in control- she will forever be a blessing to me and my husband- and whilst it’s sad, we have no regrets. Joy comes in the morning.

And so, today, I’m simply going to share a prayer that my Granny gave to me. She almost lost my uncle as a little boy. She kept this prayer in her pocket and looked at it each time she felt like there wasn’t much hope and this prayer gave her the strength to keep going. I’ve typed it out and it’s on my fridge now. I love the phrase: hold my trembling hand. It really spoke to me and I hope it speaks to you.