...The Encouragement I Need today....

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Philippians 4:6

 

*****
......And  some comic relief too :-)

August 2- Living Each Day As It Comes...

God determines the number of your days, but you determine how they are spent. The Psalmist said, 'This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. You can begin your life over today, if you live by these words:

'Today I will delete from my diary two days-yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday was for learning; tomorrow will be a consequence of what I do today.

Today I will face life with the conviction that this day will never return,

that it may be the last opportunity I'll have to contribute because there's no guarantee I'll see tomorrow.

Today I will be courageous enough not to let opportunity pass me by; my only alternative will be to succeed.

Today I will invest my most valuable resource, my time, into my most important possession, the life God has given me.

 I'll spend each minute purposefully, making today a unique opportunity. I'll tackle each obstacle knowing that with God's help I can overcome it.

Today I will resist doubt and pessimism and warm my world with a smile.

I'll maintain a strong faith, expect nothing but the best, take time to be happy, see every task as an opportunity to honour the Lord, and endeavour to leave His footprints on the hearts of those I meet.'

John Boykin wrote, 'Time is your life-nothing more, nothing less. The way you spend your hours and your days, is the way you spend your life.' So pray, 'Lord, help me to maximise this day.'


I'll admit, I've been terribly slack on adding to my blog of late. I'm feeling it may be due to lack of time with school having started up once again. But also, being completely honest, in some ways there really hasn't been much to share. God has been awesome in guiding and providing and I'm still trusting; there's not that much more going on. Things I have read haven't been speaking to me in the same way they were in previous months and I've questioned whether or not certain things which have given me strength recently would really be worth sharing with everyone- especially considering someone who is walking in similar shoes to those I have in the past 6 months. Despite this, I still feel God's preseence closer to me than ever.

Maybe, too,  it's because I've just been taking each day as it comes. Life hasn't seemed too overwhelming and things seemed to have plateaued. Not that I still don't have my ups and downs- its definitely a constant struggle- but perhaps through prayer and constant petition, I might have learnt to some degree to curb my worries.

Each day on the way to school, I ask for strength for just one more day. Certain things still make me angry that I had to loose my little girl- mainly, insensitive people and often people who I would think should know better.However, I'm trying to not take things so personally and I'm finding new ways and new people to share my story with.

At the moment, I have been blessed to have a prac student in my class giving me hand with the kids- I have 29 of them now and sometimes its a real handful. We were talking about our families the other day and she told me that she has nieces and nephews and had never really contemplated having her own children until recently. I replied, "Really? I wish I was like that. I think my main problem is that I can't remember a time when I didn't know that I wanted to be a mother and maybe thats why its so hard for me to grasp God's plan in setting me back twice!" And we laughed.

 So yes, the grapplings are a daily affair. Its always a few steps forward and a couple back but at least I feel I'm getting further ahead then I am getting dragged back. I was in my Dad's shop this arv and he has a copy of the "Purpose Driven Life" there. And so, I pick it up and turn to Day Number 5 which is about your view on life. Of course, there is a section there on living through trails and tests in life. A part that did stand out to me was about trails coming in many forms including "delayed promises" and "tradegies": and well, didn't that ring some bells!!

At the moment, I'm trying just to enjoy time with my husband and spend my day off learning how to relax and do things for me (believe it not, its a challenge! having always been busy and on the go). Thank God for giving me the time to do that. If it weren't for Juby, I would not have been blessed with a reduced workload. I'm so thankful.

So thats a brief update from me, but if you are reading this, I pray you too have been feeling the presence of God in your life recently and that each day, you (and I) can choose to live in the abundant blessings God has for each of us.

The "Gap"

There is usually a huge gap between the birth of a dream and the achievement of that dream. The question you have to ask yourself is whether it will be a fulfilment gap or a frustration gap. If it's a frustration gap you'll be miserable most of the days you're in it. And every day that you're frustrated instead of fulfilled, you lessen the odds that you'll be able to keep moving forward toward your dream. Author Seth Godin calls this gap between when you set out to do something and when you actually start to see significant results 'the dip'. The dip represents the adversity you must face, the learning curve you must go through and the hard work you must be willing to invest between conception and realisation.

If the dip you are in seems to be a road without end, here are some Scriptures you need to stand on:

 'Don't be impatient for the Lord to act! Keep travelling steadily along His pathway and in due season He will honour you with every blessing.' (Psalm 37:34 TLB)

 'Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.' (Hebrews 10:35-36 NIV) '

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.' (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)

God has promised you more than just the fulfilment of your dream; He has promised joy in each step you take toward it.

Amen to that!

My husband and I are just busy getting back into the routine of work and getting over colds and the like. Its his birthday tomorrow. I'm slightly sadden we have no baby to share in the flesh- I know each year he gets older the more upset he grows about not being an earthly daddy. He's longed, just as I have, to have children. I can totally sympathesise. I dread the thought of my birthday arriving too and still not being an earthly mummy and not having our babies there to cradle as we blow out the candles. Tomorrow night, when he blows out the candles, I know we'll have both Jubilee and Jasey on our minds. But God knows. Maybe next year. At the moment, we are just in that "gap" between the reality and our the achievement of our dreams and our God given callings. God help us to find the joy in each step along the way! 

To The Children of My Heart

This week, its been 6 months since we were blessed with the gift of Jubilee. I'm not usually into poems and things about loss cos I find some of them to be a bit lame. But I do love this one. I think it just says it how it is, without all the other mournful, "now you have an angel looking over you" stuff.  I stumbled across it months ago and have been waiting for the right time to share it with you all. I think today is it :-) So here goes:

To the Children of My Heart

O precious, tiny sweet little ones, you will always be to me,

So perfect, pure and innocent just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and of your life and all that it would be.

We waited and longed for you to come and join our family. 

We never had the chance to play, to laugh, to rock, to wiggle.

We long to hold and touch you and listen to you giggle.

But now you’re gone…but yet you’re here,

You are our sorrow and our joy, there’s love in every tear. 

Just know our love goes deep and strong. We’ll forget you never.

The children we had, but never had, and yet will have forever.

Juby and Jasey-

the beautiful results of our undying love. You are our sorrow and our joy. The children we had, but never had, and yet will have forever.

Love always, Mummy and Daddy

Happy Ever After

"...If happy ever after did exist,

I would still be holding you like this..."

Payphone- Maroon 5

I know this song has been played to death on the radio in the last couple of months but everytime it comes on my husband and I sing along, especially loud, on this part cos it reminds us of our 'Jubes.' As my husband so often says, with his eyes tilted towards heaven, "Love ya Jubes!"

I also like the other line that leads into the chorus that says "....even the sun sets in paradise." Our lives sometimes seem less than perfect- we just have to admit that we live in a fallen world and no one, no matter how religious or loving or seemingly perfect, is exempt from bad things happening to them. As soon as we realise this, we can accept our misfortunes for what they are and put the "why mes?" behind us. We can stop dwelling on the bad, our perspective changes, and we can start living with hope and faith in what a new sun rise will bring; jubilee, rejoicing, joy and celebration. So love that our daugthers name means that!

For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favour lasts a lifetime;

weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

The Headstone is in place :-)

Taa daa!!! My little baby girls headstone and finally, after 23 years, my big brothers grave has been marked. I absolutely love it- the back, especially. My husband and I visited the grave yard earlier in the week and it must have just gone up. I was hoping it would have been there for Juby's due date but consistent bad weather had prevented them from setting it. Be sure to visit their bodies resting place sometime, if anything it only makes you more grateful for the gift of life which we have been so blessed to enjoy :-)


Also, today I noticed my blog has had 1001 page views :-) Praying, it continues to be a thing of healing for me and others who may stumble across my ramblings.

There's Holes in the Floor of Heaven

Holes in the Floor of Heaven

Heard this song on the radio the other day- concidently, last week when we had all of that never ending rain (good ol' Kix FM). So beautiful. Only thing its missing is a verse specifically for Juby and Jasey, but that aside, the chorus is pretty special anyway :-)

And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me.

Except, I think they both are so blessed in many ways to have escaped this world of fear and pain to be with Jesus. They are whole, pure, innocent and without sin- just like Jesus, himself. Mum used to tell us that about Issac when we were little- that he never did anything naughty or wrong; that he was perfect and living in Heaven with Jesus. I don't imagine Jubilee or Jasey crying or being upset that they did not get longer with us on earth, but rather that they are thankful for the time they had and are joyful. I imagine them walking in sheer delight and with humility as they  gaze daily upon the face of the Lord and worship him with all their heart- if only we were so blessed from such a young age. Instead, God has chosen for us to live on earth and do His work here before we are reunited with Him- but that assignment too is a special blessing; to be trusted with the work of our Saviour and to learn how to love and be close to Him despite the journey our lives take.

Until, a few months ago I was scared of dying but now I just see it like something I can look forward to, seeing Jesus- number one!- but now, especially since I have a big brother, countless other family members and two very special little babies of my very own to be reunited with once I get to Heaven.

Lifting a Heavy Heart

Seeing Your Disappointment as God's Appointment

The walk of faith is one of delight-and difficulty. When you signed on for the first, you signed on for the second. Paul was on a sixteen-month missionary journey-one of miracles and church-building. But he ended up in prison on trumped-up charges and was left to rot there. How did he respond? 'Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!' (Philippians 4:4 NKJV) You say, 'How can somebody rejoice in prison?' When you see your disappointment as God's appointment, you start to understand its purpose. Paul had books to write that would change the world, so God needed to get him 'off the road'. Listen to what he wrote from prison: 'I want you to know...that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God's message without fear.' (Philippians 1:12-14 NLT) Hidden in some of your biggest disappointments, you will find treasures of truth that literally transform your life and your future.

-The Word for Today by Bob Gass

"Seeing your disappointments (major ones at that!!!) as God's appointment" - it's without a doubt a very tough call. However, God promised that He would never give us something that together (Him and us) we can't handle!

Yesterday, I loved (and was very touched by) listening to my husband singing the chorus of a song that was part of worship at church during the first service we attended after we lost Jubilee. "Hallelujah our God reigns" he sang as he was painting the skirting boards in our house. I was washing up at the time and his praise, prompted me to start singing the rest of the song. So today, allow me to share that very song with you.

God. I Look to You- Bethel Church

My favourite lyrics: (is it any wonder I can't make it through a church service withouth being in tears! lol).

"God, I look to you. I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do."

"I will love you Lord, my strength. I will love you Lord, my sheild. I will love you Lord, my rock.

Forever all my days, I will love you God."

I love it in this version, where you can here the worship leader saying at one point: "sing it over our families."
I believe, that is exactly what we were doing yesterday whilst we were both going about our housework.
You can imagine, the disappointment of loosing a child and now two children and how important it is (and how hard it is too, at times) to sing these words out loud and really mean them! Like my Dad always used to pray before we sang at Mass; that we would sing the songs as if they were our own prayer- that we would pray the words and others would see God through us and that the words would also touch their lives.

The disappointments allow us to be intimate with God in a way joy and happiness never can. Aren't we blessed to have been walking this journey recently where God has had an intimate appointment with both of us.
Praise God for His faithfulness and His reign over our lives.

His Love Will Set You Free!

If I could add one thing to this sign it would be the word: God!  right at the top.
God's love will not betray us, dismay or enslave us. He is the Truth. And we know that in the Bible its says, the Truth will set you free. The Truth is God loves us. Even if in our hurt and pain we are so blinded that we can't see that for a while. He never leaves us or forsakes. He is there in our darkest hours; closer than our breath.

Today, I've just finished reading "When Love and Sorrow Embrace" by Beth Forbus- founder of 'Sarah's Laughter'- the Christian miscarriage and stillbirth support group that I mentioned many posts ago. The book was given to me by a friend of my aunts- I've never met her but through the kindness she has extended to me, I know she must be woman of great faith. From what my aunty has told me, I understand that she and her husband have as yet been unable to have a child. To think, that she would send this to me, and care for me, is such a blessing. I have experienced so much confirmation and healing from the divinely inspired words of this book.

In the very last chapter of the book, I was reading the authors insight into Psalm 139, which I found so encouraging. It was the scripture that we had read out at Juby's funeral.

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand —
when I awake, I am still with you.

There is simply no place God is not. He is there through it all. Birth is not a pre-requietes for God's protetction, God's love and God's involement in our baby's lives. Before a baby is conceived, he or she is already conceived in the heart and mind of God. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and God dwells within us- even our wombs. He is there when things don't turn out how we thought they would- when our babies heart stops beating and it is born, in some way or another, silently into the world.


I know this is so true for me and worth sharing word for word from the book.

Psalm 139:16- "And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me when as yet ther was not one of them."

God knew every day of your baby's life before you ever experienced the first day of your own. Somehow in God's plan, your baby has achieved all that God laid out for him or her and has done it in a matter of weeks or months! How can a baby born too soon to survive possible carry out God's plan? Have you searched the scriptures for answers? Have you pondered what God is doing in your life? Maybe you've found a true relationship with God beacuase you've realised you simply cannot survive this sorrow on you own. Imagine the eternal significance of the life of your baby if his or hoer presence in your life brings you closer to God! What an honour for your child.


And yet again, I'm resolved to the fact that with God, all is not lost. My babies will not pass in vain. At the very least they have brought me closer to my Jesus. And so today, I'm handing this book on to another dear friend, who has been forced to experience loss recently. I'm praying that this will also be true for her and her husband; that they can see through their pain enough to regain sight of the fact that there is no sorrow so great that He cannot reach and heal your wounds.

In our weakness His strength is made perfect

(2 Corinthians 12:9).