What Should Have Been....

I read this a couple of days ago on the 'iwillcarryyou' blog. It really pertained to me in this last week. . Instead of being home with my babies, I took on an extra day at work. I cried on the way to work and all day I couldn't stop thinking about how I wish I was putting time and effort into my own family instead of everyone elses. I know it was a selfish attitude and it wasn't the right way to be. My husband was onto me about being positive but I was miserable and caught up in what should have been and wanted to feel hurt and angry for a bit- I didn't want to pretend like I was happy and in love with my "career". I temporarily forgot about the grand scheme of things and got burrowed down in anguish.

I read a quote yesterday on a Caring Bridge page for a 5 year old little boy who has been waging a lengthy battle against Leukemia. His amazing mother included a quote which read, “What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it was supposed to be.” In our situation, and certainly with theirs, it is easy to let the thoughts of “what should have been” drag us down and ultimately consume us — if we let them. We have the choice to be miserable or to believe positively. It could be argued that positive thinking is much easier said than done, especially in the face of devastating circumstances. But it is through faith and surrender that we come to realize that we aren’t the ones in control. Our idea of “what was supposed to be” often doesn’t acquiesce with God’s grand plan for us. In our willingness to surrender and trust God we will someday discover that God had something better in store for us. It most likely will not be immediately apparent. It could take several many years, or maybe not even in this lifetime. Being privy to this knowledge enables us to stop torturing ourselves and instead enjoy the little moments of happiness in each day as it comes.

 Dear Jesus, help our little family to come to you daily with our hurts and grievances. Help us to carry the cross you have given us to bear and to focus on the joy that waits before us. Amen