Seeing Your Disappointment as God's Appointment

The walk of faith is one of delight-and difficulty. When you signed on for the first, you signed on for the second. Paul was on a sixteen-month missionary journey-one of miracles and church-building. But he ended up in prison on trumped-up charges and was left to rot there. How did he respond? 'Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!' (Philippians 4:4 NKJV) You say, 'How can somebody rejoice in prison?' When you see your disappointment as God's appointment, you start to understand its purpose. Paul had books to write that would change the world, so God needed to get him 'off the road'. Listen to what he wrote from prison: 'I want you to know...that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God's message without fear.' (Philippians 1:12-14 NLT) Hidden in some of your biggest disappointments, you will find treasures of truth that literally transform your life and your future.

-The Word for Today by Bob Gass

"Seeing your disappointments (major ones at that!!!) as God's appointment" - it's without a doubt a very tough call. However, God promised that He would never give us something that together (Him and us) we can't handle!

Yesterday, I loved (and was very touched by) listening to my husband singing the chorus of a song that was part of worship at church during the first service we attended after we lost Jubilee. "Hallelujah our God reigns" he sang as he was painting the skirting boards in our house. I was washing up at the time and his praise, prompted me to start singing the rest of the song. So today, allow me to share that very song with you.

God. I Look to You- Bethel Church

My favourite lyrics: (is it any wonder I can't make it through a church service withouth being in tears! lol).

"God, I look to you. I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do."

"I will love you Lord, my strength. I will love you Lord, my sheild. I will love you Lord, my rock.

Forever all my days, I will love you God."

I love it in this version, where you can here the worship leader saying at one point: "sing it over our families."
I believe, that is exactly what we were doing yesterday whilst we were both going about our housework.
You can imagine, the disappointment of loosing a child and now two children and how important it is (and how hard it is too, at times) to sing these words out loud and really mean them! Like my Dad always used to pray before we sang at Mass; that we would sing the songs as if they were our own prayer- that we would pray the words and others would see God through us and that the words would also touch their lives.

The disappointments allow us to be intimate with God in a way joy and happiness never can. Aren't we blessed to have been walking this journey recently where God has had an intimate appointment with both of us.
Praise God for His faithfulness and His reign over our lives.

His Love Will Set You Free!

If I could add one thing to this sign it would be the word: God!  right at the top.
God's love will not betray us, dismay or enslave us. He is the Truth. And we know that in the Bible its says, the Truth will set you free. The Truth is God loves us. Even if in our hurt and pain we are so blinded that we can't see that for a while. He never leaves us or forsakes. He is there in our darkest hours; closer than our breath.

Today, I've just finished reading "When Love and Sorrow Embrace" by Beth Forbus- founder of 'Sarah's Laughter'- the Christian miscarriage and stillbirth support group that I mentioned many posts ago. The book was given to me by a friend of my aunts- I've never met her but through the kindness she has extended to me, I know she must be woman of great faith. From what my aunty has told me, I understand that she and her husband have as yet been unable to have a child. To think, that she would send this to me, and care for me, is such a blessing. I have experienced so much confirmation and healing from the divinely inspired words of this book.

In the very last chapter of the book, I was reading the authors insight into Psalm 139, which I found so encouraging. It was the scripture that we had read out at Juby's funeral.

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand —
when I awake, I am still with you.

There is simply no place God is not. He is there through it all. Birth is not a pre-requietes for God's protetction, God's love and God's involement in our baby's lives. Before a baby is conceived, he or she is already conceived in the heart and mind of God. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and God dwells within us- even our wombs. He is there when things don't turn out how we thought they would- when our babies heart stops beating and it is born, in some way or another, silently into the world.


I know this is so true for me and worth sharing word for word from the book.

Psalm 139:16- "And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me when as yet ther was not one of them."

God knew every day of your baby's life before you ever experienced the first day of your own. Somehow in God's plan, your baby has achieved all that God laid out for him or her and has done it in a matter of weeks or months! How can a baby born too soon to survive possible carry out God's plan? Have you searched the scriptures for answers? Have you pondered what God is doing in your life? Maybe you've found a true relationship with God beacuase you've realised you simply cannot survive this sorrow on you own. Imagine the eternal significance of the life of your baby if his or hoer presence in your life brings you closer to God! What an honour for your child.


And yet again, I'm resolved to the fact that with God, all is not lost. My babies will not pass in vain. At the very least they have brought me closer to my Jesus. And so today, I'm handing this book on to another dear friend, who has been forced to experience loss recently. I'm praying that this will also be true for her and her husband; that they can see through their pain enough to regain sight of the fact that there is no sorrow so great that He cannot reach and heal your wounds.

In our weakness His strength is made perfect

(2 Corinthians 12:9).

June 22nd, 2012

Friday, was Juby's due date.

And it basically passed like any other day.

My husband and I visited Jubilee's grave last weekend (still no headstone and it was supposed to be well and truly up by now, in time for her due date), and  we did not feel to go again so soon.  We had pizza afterwards which is our special little tradition for when we lose a baby- we always get pizza on the way home so we don't have to cook- so we had that in memory of the day when she was actually born. We decided that whilst it was her due date, we weren't going to get too hung up on it.  We feel her birthday will be more of date for us celebrate.  I honestly believe that I would not have made it to full term anyways and have been dealing with the whole "she could have been born now" thing for many weeks. I feel it is also a sign that whilst we will forever remain saddened by the loss of our precious little girl, you do eventually begin move on: the pain never lessens but it becomes easier to manage as the months pass. I think Jasey helped us to realise that too: people where still coming up to us and saying sorry for our loss and I felt like blurting out- "thanks but we're okay, we've lost another baby since then anyway." So much happens in a short space of time.

Thankfully, I had the day off work. So I spent it with my sister, Sarah, Mum and Granny at my sisters Sports Carnival. It was a really great day and was full of sentiment for our family. We worked out that since I started at the school, we have had at least one child there for 18 years. As Sarah is in year 7, is out last year at the school; and hence our last Sports Day. All six of us were Sports Captains in our respect years (and Jake was for two years in a row). Sarah wore all our badges on her shirt as a special tribute :-) cute.

Probably the cutest thing, was Rachel and Sarah working together, before they left for school, to write 'Juby Knott' in her house colour, on the inside of Sarah's forearms. So beautiful.

Later in the afternoon, I caught up with my good friend Toni and her little baby, Kimmi, for a coffee. That was really special cos Toni is the only person outside my immediate family who got to meet Jubilee in the flesh; so that was a nice reminder for both of us.

Many family members remembered the day and rung or sent a text to let us know they were thinking of us which was lovely also.

Thanks again everyone, for your support!

Better Than I

"Better Than I" by Dallyn Vail Bayles

I have absolutely loved this song for years since I first saw the movie "Joseph: King of Dreams." The film is produced by Dreamworks Pictures who also made "The Prince of Egypt." I've always loved both of these movies and the way those key bible stories were so powerfully protrayed through film and the accompanying music. I get goosebumps everytime I listen to it. So it went without saying, for me, that I chose this song to be played during the Signing of the Register at our wedding. That was almost 18 months ago! and here I am today, sitting in my classroom showing "Joseph: King of Dreams" to my Year 2's (as we learnt about Joseph's story earlier in the term) and this song starts to play and I just about cried my eyes out as I quietly sung along to the tune and noticed again, the rich symbolism in the film.

Wow! God is sooooo good!!! Only He could know all those years ago, how important this message would be for me to hear today- like I said in another post recently, I certainly can relate to the way he is crying out to God at the start of the clip- I believe I said all those things: if not aloud, at least, in my heart. I think its so cool that we had it at our wedding not knowing the journey what God had instore for us just months down the track. Another blessed sign of His strength to reassure my soul. Amen!

My soul has always felt like it was soaring long with artists voice when he sings of God's divine vision in comparison to our earthy vision:

 "I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky.

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow.

But it was You who taught that bird to fly.

If I let You reach me, will You teach me?"

But the whole song just signifies the journey I've been on recently and in recent years so, I've included the lyrics cos they are beautiful and so true.

I thought I did what's right,
I thought  I had the answers,
I thought I choose the surest road,
but that road brought me here.
So I put up a fight, and told you how to help me,
Now just when I had given up,
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I,
You know the way,
I've let go the need to know why,
for You know better than I

If this has been a test,
I can not see the reason,
but maybe knowing i don't know,
is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best.
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do,
It put my trust in you

For you know better than I,
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky,
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly,
If I let you reach me
Will you teach me?

For You know Better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why,
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I.

The Joy That Awaits...

On the weekend, I was catching up on some of my favourite blogs. Found this on "Pray Without Ceasing"- can't wait until I have the privilege of writing something like this to our first live baby. In my dreams I imagine me sounding something like this- I know what it is to love a child you have bought into the world but oh,what a blessing to watch him/her grow. Made me cry- but that wouldn't be hard! lol.

Mason Dale,

How is it that you are 5 months old today. Almost half a year already...now that's just crazy!!! Little boy I may have given YOU life but little do you know (although someday you will) that you are the one that saved MY life. Before you I was SO sad. With you I am SO happy. Most days I just cannot believe that you are mine (and daddy's). I tell you every day that I couldn't love you more if I tried. And truly I couldn't. You were more than an answer to prayer. You were (and still are) my dream come true. Mason...Daddy and I are so in love with you. You are the absolute JOY of our lives. Every day just gets sweeter with you in it!!! We can't wait to enjoy every minute of this summer with YOU making memories that will last a lifetime!!!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Come to Me with Praise and Thanksgiving!

On Friday night, I attended the opening night at our churches Womens Conference.
 During worship, everyone was invited to sit down just to recieve God's love through the lyrics of this song:

Come To Me (Bethel Church)

I think I cried the entire time; not only is it a beautiful song, I just feel like that is what God was saying to me. We know it in our hearts but any situation can open a door where it becomes easier to allow the problem to become the focus. Each day, God invites us to know him more and offers us his perfect peace. Instead of  labourring; we are to bring it to the feet of Jesus, all the while keeping our eyes fixed on Him, and let Him lift up our broken hearts.



The scripture for the conference was Isaiah 26:3 and i think it fits in with this really well.

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"

One concordance explains what this means clearly (the stuff in brackets is my own additions):

In perfect peace - Hebrew as in the Margin, 'Peace, peace;' the repetition of the word denoting, as is usual in Hebrew, emphasis, and here evidently meaning undisturbed, perfect peace.

That is, the mind (your thoughts) that has confidence in God shall not be agitated by the trials to which it shall be subject; by persecution, poverty, sickness, want, or bereavement

(that includes the loss of a child or not being pregnant when I want be etc.)

She shared the story of the Joshua at the Battle of Jericho (Joshua 6) in a way that I have never heard it before.

All this time the trumpets were sounding. ¹⁰ But Joshua had commanded the army, “Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout! ”

¹¹ So he had the ark of the Lord carried around the city, circling it once. Then the army returned to camp and spent the night there.

²⁰When the trumpets sounded, the army shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the men gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so everyone charged straight in, and they took the city.

I have heard this many times, but no one had ever particularly pertained it to trying for a baby before. Man, could I relate! Every time the army returned to the base camp to spend, it must have seemed like they were back at square one again and that this mission was futile. The army men, must have thought Joshua and his God were nuts! In darker times of despair and heartache recently, I have allowed myself to question God's motives and timing. However, I need to learn the humility to keep walking around the wall in faithful submission to the will of God, no matter what: even if it means the walls of  my Jericho don't come down (I don't end up with a healthy, full term, living baby) for another seven times, if ever. My faith cannot depend on whether or not, I get to be a mum on earth. But at the same time, I do not need to push these yearnings aside or let go of them completely- they are God given- and in the time He appoints, those walls will fall and my husband and I will take our Jericho.

The three main points, I remember vividly:

PRAISE
* Changes your perspective and your location

* Makes room for God

* Moves us on to victory

It was so powerful and such a blessing to be able to take what she was saying, relate it to my recent experiences and recieve renewed hope and energy. Reflecting on this has also helped me to refocus my attention and attitudes on the right things: instead of worrying, I should be praising! I know its easier said, then done but why am I letting the devil take even one inch?! I need to praise and by doing so, make more room for God than anything else!

God, help me to praise you at all times, no matter what the circumstances are.

Hebrews 11:1

This has been our computer wallpaper for the past few weeks :-)

I think the difference in openess of the two roses are very symbolic.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Hebrews 11:1

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

.......

Last night was my sisters 21st birthday party. Two "could have" milestones- 1.  I believed all along that Juby would come a bit early and hence, I always thought, looking ahead on the calendar for the year that I would have a newborn baby to share with all the family on this night and 2. I would have been on bed rest after having a stitch put in for Jasey.

Either way, God knew what he was doing and neither of these came to fruition. However, I'm grateful, as I was able to give 100% to my sister and enjoy seeing months of planning, hours of ebay searching/decoration making come together. I really felt like the night was such a beautiful celebration of her life and gift of our family and family friends.

Whilst I was setting up for the party last night and putting up photos of my sister (and our family) from birth to present, I was re-reflecting on this scripture. I kept thinking: if I know that nothing can be added to and taken away from the work of God, why do I as a pathetic human being keep trying to stick my two bobs into Gods master plan. I know that in my human-ness, I can never fathom the work that God is doing and is going to do in my life, so why can't I just sit back and enjoy the ride!?! Thank you God for giving me family and an amazing journey in life to date that helps me look back on all you've done and give me hope for what's ahead knowing You are in control of the eternity You've set in my heart.

Happy Birthday Aunty Bek :-)