1 Year!!

Last week, we had the privilege of celebrating our little Jubilee’s first Birthday/Anniversary….or what some might call her  ‘Angelversary.’ My husband and I decided we would like to have our close family and friends over for a gathering instead of spending the night on our own. And we are both so glad that we did. We had a lovely day...some bittersweet memories...but a good day in all :-) ...no tears....just joy in the fact we've made it through a crazy year with all the glory going to our Lord Jesus for His Grace and blessings :-)

 

 

We gave out some little invitations (top right hand corner) that read:

“ It seems like only yesterday, that our lives were blessed for eternity with the birth of our little daughter, Juby. Since her name means “to rejoice” and because it would have been her 1^st Birthday, we are having a small family celebration in loving memory."

My husband had to leave early the morning of her birthday so we didn’t get to talk too much to each other about how we were feeling on the actual day, except for a few texts back and forth during his lunch break. In hindsight, we both agree that was our little sad moment for the day. Jubilee was constantly in my thoughts all day- she is usually, but even more so that day- and at 12:40, when she was born, I couldn’t help but still be overcome with that same emotion I felt 12 months earlier. My heart just ached, think about how at that exact moment, all my dreams had come true- I was a mummy and the little bundle I was holding was ‘my’ little girl. Oh, how I longed to hold her again and to relive all those precious moments. Thank God, we have so many wonderful memories of the time we spent with her. I am so blessed that God has given me the strength to be joyful about this time in our lives and to share our story and our belief in a better tomorrow with many people.

In the photos, you can also see how I spent the day cooking (and taking my mind off Pea's impending arrival (lol!). It was a pink and white theme with butterflies and angel wings… we had white chocolate cake pops with angel wings on the tops, pink jelly, number 1 shaped biscuits, brownies, mini cupcakes, star-shaped fairy bread, and an even a little bowl of Jubes with a sign that read "little jubes for Jubes") So you can say, I probably went a bit crazy with dessert but the first year is a special occasion no matter what the circumstances and I'm sure this will be the last time poor Jubes gets to have my full attention, now she's going be a big sister and all, so it was so worth it. The cake was mission but I wanted it to be special- I did a mini pink gradient layered cake decroated with gradient icing. I was proud of how it turned out but especiall pleased with the cake topper- we didn’t get Juby a present or anything to commemorate the date in that way but I fell in love with it when I saw it and just knew we had to have it! I love how the baby is lying on a big pink butterfly and has her own set of little wings :-) We didn't sing “Happy Birthday” but our friend Toni (who you might remember, actually got to meet Juby) has a little girl (who is 1 year old, too) and we got her to help us blow out the candles; so that was special.

 

 

 

We didn’t get to visit the grave on the actual day but we went especially into town the next day and took some beautiful pink balloons (that Aunty Paula had bought us as a gift) and a little party hat (that I made for her) and a candle out to the grave. My husband had a little chat with her, like he always does when we go, and man! I couldn’t keep the tears in then!!! Then he turned and asked me what I wanted to say and I was just so taken with what he said that I couldn’t say anything much. “Come on!” he urged me and all I could whisper when I looked up at him with tears in my eyes was “She knows her mummy loves her…I tell her all the time.” Then we just hugged :-) Yesterday, was Valentine’s Day and I took some time to communicate to my husband just how blessed I am to have married him. He is the best person I could ever have hoped to be walking this journey with. This year, for Valentines Day, we had an ice-cream at the beach, he cooked breakfast and I cooked a candle-lit dinner. and we swapped cards.... In his card, I wrote- “You’re a loving Daddy to our little Jubilee and I can’t wait to see how that love manifests itself physically with our earthly children.” I just know he loves her so very dearly :-) Daddy/daughter bonds are so special even when they aren’t lived out in the usual fashion! Everytime I look at Adams feet, I'm reminded of Juby. I call them his 'Juby feet' and he proudly corrects me, saying "No, Juby has Daddy's feet." Hence the reason for this picture of his footprint in the sand, which I took when we went to Hervey Bay, just before Christmas.

 

Many thanks to all our family and friends for remembering our little family on the day and for passing on all your prayers and kind thoughts. Once again, I’m reminded how blessed we are to be surrounded by people like yourselves and that we couldn’t have made it to where we are today without all your love and support…words really don’t do it justice. Thank you.

And thank you to our Lord Jesus. We’ve learnt so much more about You and Your Love for us in the past year than we ever could have imagined before this change of events was set in motion. We are  so thankful that we are able to turn you to our darkest moments and that you have assured us of Your reassuring presence and Your peace, that passes all understanding. You took our sin for us by death on the cross and even knowing that suffering that was set before, embraced it with joy. We aren’t so perfect but have learnt much from Your example. Help us to be more and more like you, drawing closer to you, each and every day. As I said earlier, all the glory is Yours. Amen.

 

 

PS- One ‘last!’ Pea pregnancy post to come :-) soon!

10 Weeks of Blessings...

Its been a little over ten weeks since my last post. Things have been so full on at times that I thought it was just easier to wait until after Christmas to give everyone an update on things. I'm very blessed to say that we are still hanging in there with Baby Number 3! All is going very well and I'd like to take the opportunity to thank everyone for their prayers throughout our journey over the past 10 months. We really appreciate all your love and support.

 

The past couple of months have seen more and more friends being blessed to fall pregnant after losses and/or struggles to fall. With this too, has also come news of other friends who are still trying or who have sadly loved and lost yet again. My prayers are with all our friends and family who are navigating the ups and downs of conception, pregnancy and birth in the coming year. We serve a loving God whose will is never that we should experience deep suffering and loss, especially in the form of losing our own children...may we always trust in His enduring love and goodness and the promise and hope that His presence brings to our lives, even in times when we are experiencing hardships. Amen!

21 - 27 Weeks

This time was crazy for me and your Daddy with both our schools finishing up and all. The time just seemed to fly!

·         Tuesday 16^th October- appointment to see Margaret at the hospital…we looked at the morphology scan results and she was so excited because the cervix had lengthened almost a half a centimetre (3.3cm to 3.6cm) that she almost forgot to take my blood pressure and do my tummy measurements etc. I got to hear your heart beat again which is always reassuring. All in all she was very happy with how everything is going.

·         Wednesday 24^th October- Shalom Awards Night. The concert band played a song that started with  loud drum clashes and they woke you up- I got a big few surprise kicks and then you must have got used to it and went back to sleep.

 

 

·         Tuesday 13^th November- Doctors Appointment with Margaret- took Mum with and we asked her lots of questions. All was good in terms of blood pressure, measurements etc.

·         Friday 23^rd November- Glucose Tolerance Test at the hospital. Took two and half hours and arm got a bit bruised but all seemed to go well.

·         Friday 30^th November- Mummy’s 23^rd Birthday.  Daddy organised breakfast and then we spent the day with Aunty Rach and went to see the last of the Twilight movies. At night, all the family came over for cake, dessert and a cuppa. Mummy got very spoilt and Daddy even bought me a chocolate mousse cake from the Cheesecake Shop and a cute little cupcake with a butterfly on it for us to eat that reminded him of Juby- cute! He also bought me a rocking chair a couple of months ago that I have slowly been doing up for the nursery.

 

·         Monday, 3^rd December- Start of 3^rd Trimester- Praise the Lord!! 84 days till due date!!!!

28 Weeks

·         Tuesday 4^th December- Appointment with Margaret at the hospital- she was happy with everything. She could only find a pulse, not the direct heartbeat because of the position the baby was lying in (head down and chest towards my spine). Results of glucose tolerance test came back normal however, looking at the results, Margaret suggested I have a platelet antibody screening blood test done as my platelet levels seem to lower during my pregnancies which can be normal for some people however, as I haven’t been screened for this before, she thought it would be a good idea just to get it done so we can rule it out. Given routine Anti-D shot (much to my absolute disgust)- apparently since I had it the last time they have changed their minds about where they think it is best to give it to you and you’re not allowed it in the arm anymore so I chose the thigh- didn’t sting at all like it does in the arm so maybe that’s why.

·         Started feeling identifiable Braxton Hicks this week (short, painless and irregular, so all good). Seems to be in the early morning when I’m checking my emails on the computer that I notice it the most. Also noticed you had the hiccups for the first time.

·         Sunday, 9^th December- Mummy and Daddy going on holidays to Hervey Bay for three nights.

29 Weeks

·         Wednesday, 12^th December- Aunty Sare’s Year 7 Graduation.

·         Thursday, 13^th December- Uncle Matty got to feel you kick for the first time J he was pretty chuffed!

·         Mummy is 63kgs- I’ve put on 6kgs so far which I think is pretty good, considering half of that is all you, the placenta and amniotic fluid! Started to get a bit fatter looking in the face now though which is a sign the extra fluid I’m carrying is increasing.

·         You’re movements are really strong and deliberate now Pea. I believe you are running out of room in there. Often your movements aren’t just a kick but a roll or a stretch (not always cute and comfortable for Mummy) and sometimes lots of little movements all strung together. I love watching my belly move in all different directions, especially when I’m watching one spot and then you just throw in some extra things to surprise me including big kicks out to the other side of my tummy.

·         Daddy’s been talking to you a lot of late. He usually starts off by saying “Hey mate. This is your Daddy speaking” lol!

30 Weeks

·         Tuesday 18^th December- Appointment at the hospital- Saw Margaret again today. Daddy came to for the first time in a while cos he is on holidays now. We heard your heart being loud and strong- you weren’t curled up in a bad position this time and we were able to pick it up the very first time. The results of the platelet antibody test were inconclusive and although showed lower results again (119) Margaret insists that she isn’t concerned by these results- if anything, she said it would mean that the doctors would steer as far clear as they can of an instrumental birth- to which I thought “Praise the Lord!”  She is sending us for a progress ultrasound in early January before we see her next- can’t wait to see how much you’ve grown!

·         Feeling more and more tired but loving being on holidays. It’s so nice to be mostly unhurried (even though we have been busy!!!) and to take time to relax and enjoy your more little Pea. You’ve been kicking me in some places which have hurt (included a nerve you’ve found on the left hand side of my pelvis) and this week, you’ve taken a liking to kicking my ribs (mostly the right one). It must be getting pretty squishy in there!

·         You are starting to develop some awake/asleep patterns…especially in the morning…once I get up (usually cos I have to go the loo- no sleep in’s for Mummy- good training!) you usual wake up in the next 20 or so minutes and then you stretch yourself out for a bit before starting your morning exercise routine! It’s my favourite time of day!

31 Weeks

·         Tuesday 25^th- Christmas Day (62 days till due date!) We had a really lovely day with all our family. Both you and Juby got spoilt with lots of precious and thoughtful gifts from everyone! The day started off with breakfast at home (just Daddy, Mummy and Pea) and then to lunch at Nanny and Poppy’s. On the way to Mum and Dads for afternoon tea and dinner, we stopped by Juby’s grave. Daddy  and I were both a bit emotional cos we miss our little Jubes sooo very much and wish that she could have been here to celebrate her first Christmas with us. In the morning, whilst I was making breakfast, I couldn’t help but ponder on how much life changes in an instant and think about how differently our morning would have run with a 6 month old in the house. Being at the grave, sometimes just overwhelms us a bit- like, sometimes we still can’t believe that’s our little girl’s body laid to rest there- that’s our baby whom we love so much. We are so excited that next year, we’ll be able to take you there, Pea. We are so blessed you’ve hung in there thus far and that we are only about 6 or so weeks away (the date that I’m believing for in terms of stitch removal!) from getting to meet you!

 

Merry Christmas!

Love from the Knotts xo

Half Way :-)

Hi again, just an update on how things have been going for the past couple of weeks.

The stitch went in successfully- we have been so blessed!

15 Weeks

• Monday September 3^rd- Stitch goes in. Due at the hospital at 7:30am and booked for surgery at 8:30am. Didn’t go in till a bit later- much calmer than with Juby, and Daddy and I were laughing and enjoying spending the time with each other. Daddy prayed with me too which was lovely. Surgery went really well. Had to be on complete bed rest (meaning no toilet trips as well) for 24 hours. Minor loss. Doctors happy with how everything went.

...a goosey photo of me, still half drugged, after returning to the ward!

• Week 1 of bed rest commences- Got home of Tuesday arv- Mum brought me home and cooked dinner for us- we had to go and get antibiotics and another tablet (nephidipine) which stop the uterus from cramping on the way home.
• Wednesday- Daddy took the day off and spent time looking after mummy all day.
•  Thursday- Mum, Ma, Aunty Marl and Aunty Rhonda and Aunty Rach all visited and Emma cooked us dinner in the evening. We also got a visit from Nanny and Poppy.
• Friday- we got take away- create your own pizzas thanks to Nanny- My first trip out of the house since the stitch.
• Saturday, 8^th September- Trent and Stacey’s Wedding. Was a beautiful wedding and although I had to sit down a lot, we really enjoyed the night and got to share our baby news with some more family friends. Trent announced in his speech that they are expecting too! Stacey is 11 weeks.
• Sunday, 9^th September – Cassie’s Baby Shower (35 Weeks) Mummy made her cot bedding as a gift from our family.

17 Weeks

• Tuesday 18^th September- doctor’s appointment to follow up the stitch- saw Margaret. She was very happy to see me and to hear that all was going well. She did an ultrasound of you and took some measurements (you’re head and legs etc were all measuring at middle 16 week lengths and then she measured your belly and it showed up at 17 weeks and 5 days- you little chubba!) She answered some questions for mummy about the stitch- one that made me a bit disappointed. She said that she would leave the stitch in until after 38 weeks and only take it out if I went into to labour beforehand. I’m worried about the stitch tearing me inside and this means I’ll have to go to the hospital at the first signs of labour to have the stitch removed which makes me sad cos I won’t be able to labour at home and go to the hospital to deliver like I planned- the thought of as natural as possible labour was keeping me going, so I’ll have to pray a lot about it
• Wedensday, 19th September- Aunty Rach's birthday.
• Saturday September 22^nd- went to your first Rodeo (PBR at Innes Park Country Club) with Uncle Lee, Cassie (+?) and Sam. You were moving like crazy which makes Mummy think you’ve inherited my “country” genes and really liked the bull-riding and country music (much to Daddy’s distaste!)
• Really starting to feel you move around a lot more which is really exciting J

18 Weeks

• Busy week doing jobs around the house and in town. Mummy has spent a lot of time on the computer and in the nursery getting things ready for your arrival, planning what we still need to buy and get ready, making lists of things we need to do at Christmas etc.
• Friday 28^th- Daddy bought Mummy (with the help of Mum) a rocking chair from the second hand shop as an earlier birthday present. Its going in your nursery. I’m so excited cos it is the exact style that I’ve been looking at for years and have never found one in Bundy. Also they are usually around $120 and we got ours for $70- another blessing.
• Sunday 30^th-  Mummy and Daddy went to church and bought some plants for out the front of our house. By the time we got home, Mummy started getting really severe pain on the lower left hand side (just like period pain) except I knew it wasn’t contractions. Continued to grow in intensity and last for about an hour. I rang the hospital just in case and they suggested we come in for a scan just to check that all was okay. The pain had gone but I was still a bit tender when we got the hospital. Everything turned out to be fine and we got home in time to follow on with our original plan for the evening, which was having Uncle Matty and the grandparents over for dinner and the NRL footy grand final. Bonus was we got to see you again little Pea J on the portable ultrasound machine and Daddy kept saying you have a big head and teasing Mummy about how I’m going to push you out come time to do so! Lol! Naughty Daddy. Also, Praise God for His faithfulness and protection- none of the doctors could explain what had happened- I just chose to see it like a reminder from God about just how precious pregnancy is and the importance of keeping you inside for as long as we can!
• You have been kicking like crazy this week. Its such a blessing and a comfort to me. Daddy can’t feel them yet but I can see my tummy moving, so you must be giving me quite a good little boot.

20 Weeks

 

·     Tuesday 9^th- 20 Week Ultrasound= (20 Weeks and 1 Day) Ultrasound went really great. Aunty Bek is home from Townsville this week and came with us which was a special occasion and we all went out for coffee afterwards to celebrate. You were curled up in a big ball in between my pelvic bones just like your sister Juby was her morphology scan. We had Greg, the sonographer, again. We were pleased to see you have all the necessary parts and are growing really healthy. Your tummy is still a bit bigger than the rest of you J All in all, we were very excited and couldn’t wait to share how everything went with Nanny and Mum. Mummy sent some photos out to all the family via email so they could share our joy too. Daddy and I can’t get over the similarities between you and Jubilee- we are delighted to see that you look, at this stage, like your gunna have cute little legs like her and Daddy :-) 
 

 

 

·         Wednesday 10^th- Two special things today-

1. Uncle Matty’s birthday- we went out for dinner as a family and then went back to Nanny and Poppy’s for cake. I sent a little text to Uncle Matt early in the morning to say ‘Happy Birthday’ from you and Juby which really made his day.
2. Cass and Blake welcomed a beautiful little girl into the world, Elliahn Aroha Grace. I popped up for a very quick visit to say congratulations, and to give her a present from you and Juby (a tiny teddy bear in a little cupcake box, topped off with a pale pink ribbon) and then I went up the next day for a bit a longer with Daddy and we got cuddles.

 

·      Friday 12^th - 20 Weeks and 4 Days milestone- the same period of gestation that your big sister Jubilee was born. Bought the Willow Tree Figurine “Home” to give to Daddy. I wanted to buy it when we were pregnant with Juby but for some reason I didn’t get to before she was born and so I really wanted to get it with this pregnancy and thought today was just the occasion. I wrapped it up and wrote a note from you and I and left it for Daddy near his lunch so he cud open when he was having breakfast- he loved it. I’m going to put it in the kitchen as a reminder of how blessed we are to be pregnant again and to have made it this far. Aunty Rach also took some photos of my bump today which was really cute. Also, Granny was going to visit Uncle Simon and family but instead he came and picked her up to save her the drive to his place and when he left, he talked to you in my tummy- cute! J

·      Saturday 13^th- Slept over at Mum and Dads cos we had a BBQ with Aunty Bek’s boyfriend, Felise’s, family on Friday night which went late and I was feeling much too tired to drive all the way home. Daddy and Mummy were sleeping in the spare bed and both of us had just woken up when I started feeling you move quite strongly and so I reached out for Daddy’s hand and he actually got to feel you move for the first time J So exciting. We have been looking forward to that for weeks!
 

 

So, as you can see, lots has been happening lately.

We are just so thankful and thank God each day for the great privelege of parenthood

and for the blessing our children are in our lives.

Surprise!

I can't believe it is almost the end of August. This month has been ridiculously crazy for us. Every weekend there seems to be something happening and on my days off  and in the afternoons after school I've been in and out of countless appointments to the doctors. You see, part of my "blog avoidance" has been due to the fact that I've been hiding a big secret and its not that I haven't wanted to write- I've tried- but it was just to hard not to say something that would give it all away!!!

We are having Baby No. 3 :-)

Praise the Lord!!!

 

So here is a quick recap of the past 14 weeks with all the things I've been documenting that I can now share with you all! I've copied most of it from my pregnancy calendar (which I write- sometimes to the baby and sometimes just for me- as record of the pregnancy) cos its been a while now and so much going on that there is no way I could remember it all off the top of my head!! :-)

 

 

4 WEEKS

·         Positive Pregnancy Test J x 2. Wanted to test a bit early cos when I would usually ended up being Juby's due date and if we weren't pregnant I wanted time to get used the idea instead of marking that day with doubly sad feelings.

·         Made a special announcement banner to share the news with Daddy. He nicknamed you "Pea" cos thats what size you are at the moment.

·         Friday, 22^nd June J Big Sister Juby’s Due Date. Spent with Mum, Aunty Sare and Granny at our last Gooburrum Sports Day- No tears, just a happy Mummy- blessed to be pregnant for the third time in less than 10 months.

7 WEEKS

·         Wednesday 18^th July- Daddy’s 32^nd Birthday. Dinner at Johns Asian Delight (photo above).

·         Daddy had a bad cold and flu all week and he passed it onto Mummy- sick with fever on and off Thursday 19^th- Monday 23^rd July. Saw a pharmacist and were given Paracetamol, Strepsils, Saline Nasal Spray to combat flu in a “pregnancy safe” way.

·         Friday 20^th July- First Antenatal Appointment at EPAU Clinic- Mummy went on her own. Got to see the baby on the portable ultrasound machine- strong heart beat and so tiny and cute! God blessed us with a beautiful Indian lady doctor named Sandi, who had lost a baby from cervical incompetence and is also a negative blood group- so she really understood Mummy’s concerns and said that we have to scan of the cervix nearly every week until the stitch goes in. She thought the safest time for that would be 14 or 15 weeks (a little later than I expected).  Was sooo exciting!

 

11 WEEKS

·         Wednesday 8^th August-  Mummy had a pretend “sick day” off work cos they were doing lots of walking for this fun day around the oval and I didn’t think it was a safe idea for you and me at the moment. Went for a hospital appointment. We saw Margaret who was present at Juby’s birth. We worked out when the stitch would be and organised for the paper work to be sent to us. Got to see you on the ultrasound again which was great J Daddy was there and it was amazing seeing you kicking around and your little heart flickering on the screen.

·         Saturday 11^th August- Dad’s birthday party. Told some more family members and later in the night had lots of fun showing off your 11 week ultrasound video to everyone!

 

 

13 WEEKS

·         Thursday, 23^rd August- Pre Admission Appointment for the stitch at the hospital. Saw lots of doctors and nurses- was blessed to see Dr Sandi again and she said that the doctors had been talking about my situation and agreed to put me on Progesterone pessaries which will hopefully calm my uterus before, during and after the procedure. I requested an ultrasound to get the most up to date look at the cervix because I haven't had one for a couple of weeks now and things can change in an instant with a cervix (like we know, only too well).

14 WEEKS

·         Wednesday 31^st August- 14 week ultrasound- to check the condition of the cervix. Daddy was away for a work conference overnight and so I invited Aunty Roo and Aunty Sare and Mum along- it was the first time the little girls had been to an ultrasound and the first time Mum had been to one with me. Had the sonographer who did Juby’s 18 week scan- before entering the room, he read my details and discovered about our loss,  looked back on the scan photos in my file and confirmed that my cervix was indeed completely closed at the scan. He was really suprised at what had happened but was really caring and jokingly said "So are you getting lassoed this time?". He did a full morphology check on the baby like  they would at a 18-20 week scan and reassured me that everything is fine. He took a detailed look at the cervix and confirmed that it is  completely closed and a very thick cervix, which was very pleasing and, providing it stays that way till Monday, gives the stitch the best possible chance of working
·         Thursday 30^th August- Booking-In appointment with Ramona who was a nurse that attended me with Juby. Pretty uneventful. Just filling in paper work and got a urine test. Made sure ultrasound results arrive in time for the stitch on Monday. We talked about how I was feeling about the operation and so on.
 

As you could imagine, my husband wanted to keep it very quiet, for what felt like forever to me, but in the last couple of weeks his excitement levels have risen drastically and we've been able to tell our immediate families and some close friends. I'm sure everyone else has probably guessed- especially at work in the past couple of weeks- but they won't get to find out officially from me until I get back to work in two weeks time. I've been a bit self conscious in some ways- with Juby's pregnancy, from 11-18 weeks we were on the Christmas holidays and so things like starting to show etc remained basically a secret until I went back to school by which stage there was no hiding it anyways. So its been hard this time because I've been at work the whole time and people have been asking but I haven't wanted to share because I didn't want to get out everywhere until after the stitch goes in. When you work at such a public place, a pregnancy becomes a very public thing- I learnt that with Jubilee.


I'll be   15 WEEKS  on Monday- a new photo to come- I've popped out alot since the 13 Week photo.

 

AND also, on Monday, the stitch goes in. I'm due at the hospital at 7:30am and am booked in for surgery at 8:30 am.

Please keep me and Pea in your prayers.

 

I'll be having two weeks of rest at home and then back to work for the last week of term and then two weeks holiday. We are praying that our hearts are prepared for the outcome, no matter what it may be, and recieve that same peace with had with Jubilee birth. I'm also holding onto the hope that it worked 6 times for my mum but I'm also being realistic about that fact that it doesn't guarantee anything for me. I was reading some posts about peoples feelings about getting a stitch (or cervical cerclage) and I saved this one cos its the attitude that I want to have:
 

jones63 says
Hello, I would recommend the cerclage for anyone.
The risk accompanied by faith doesn't stand a chance.
It is not 100% guarantee but it helped me carry to erm for my last pregnancy 36 weeks,
and my current pregnancy I'm 27 weeks. Good luck and God bless.

 

He is Near :-)

"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

Last week, we had the pleasure of accompanying my grandma (Ma-Ma) to her first visit to Juby and Isaac's grave. since the headstone went up. It was really nice too that she was able to take a photograph of both Adam and I together, with the headstone as no one else has been with us before to do so. I'm still really happy with how it looks- more like a commorative plaque rather than a typical headstone. As you can see, we are both going well. We are trying to hang in there with the God the best we can and are praying for His protection and the fulfilment of His plan in our lives. He is, indeed, close to us and is lifting us up through our trials and tribulations.